He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
