I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
