last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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