I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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