I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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