Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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