who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
