'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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