At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
