she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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