Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
