i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
