Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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