We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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