you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
