pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize