the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
