Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
