just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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