I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
