So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
