i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
