but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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