Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
