Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
