he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So many bounce houses so little time
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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