the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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