You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pants are for mortals
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
