Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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