She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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