I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
