Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
