Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
