I think I died a long time ago.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
