You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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