When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
