Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
