SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
