i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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