bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
