If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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