Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
