Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
