are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
