dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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