dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
