her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
