I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
