Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
