mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
