We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
