OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
