i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
