what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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