We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
