Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
