pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
