i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
