Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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