worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize