I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
