I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
