Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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