We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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