we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
