GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
