How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
