Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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