Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
